It was quite pleasantly sunny earlier, so watervole and I decided to go for a walk on the heath, and as we were on the way, passing all the houses, I started singing "English Country Garden"... and this is what our twisted minds came up with...

The Curse of the Fatal Death
Written by Judith Proctor and Kathryn Andersen

Tune: English Country Garden

How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction story?
I'll tell you now of some that I know,
For all the rest are rather gory.
Viruses are all the rage,
Here's a new bacteriophage --
In my laboratory.
I've a new disease that kills thousands with a sneeze,
In a science-fiction story.

How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction space-ship?
Distortions are galore, as you vanish evermore
Through a giant time-and-space-rip
Decompression spoils your looks,
So do holes from grappling hooks,
Suffocation's nasty.
Leaks from coolant gas, when you fail to grab your mask
In a science-fiction space-ship.

How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction space-fight?
Fleets of battleships will blow your world to bits,
As we demonstrate our alien might.
You're held fast by tractor beams,
Nobody can hear your screams;
Plasma bolts exploding.
Laser beams are nice, they can really cut and slice
In a science-fiction space fight.

How many different ways are there to die,
In a science-fiction duel?
You can be the hero, innocent and brave,
And I'll be cold and cruel.
We'll be fighting hand-to-hand
Oh tradition, ain't it grand!
I've got a new light-saber
When you fight with swords, then the audience applauds,
In a science-fiction duel.

How many different ways are there to die,
On a science-fiction planet?
You can lose your breath, as you get crushed to death,
'Neath a giant block of granite.
Eaten by carnivorous plants,
Flayed alive by fire-ants;
Eggs laid in your abdomen,
If they have their way, they'll rewrite your DNA,
On a science-fiction planet.